Parish of Mickleham - Moonlight Serenade at Juniper Hill, Monday 1st August 2005

Your correspondent has to admit to a degree of gloom when he was told he was going to have to put on a black tie for an evening of jazz and swing music on a Monday in August, and even more so when he was going to have to pay £35 for the privilege.

The gloom effect was compounded by the Coronation Chicken Incident. This cannot be fully described in a family magazine. Suffice it to say as a warning to all those husbands out there, that when your wife presents you over an otherwise normal lunch with two plates of coronation chicken and invites you to say which you prefer, DO NOT ANSWER. Stall for all you are worth, change the subject, knock over your glass, feign a heart attack, do anything to avoid answering until you have a decent clue as to the direction in which the question is loaded, and the ramifications if you get it wrong. Try and get the question reformatted so you know which way to jump. You need a question expecting the answer yes like you did in Latin all those years ago, not one where you have a 50:50 chance of guessing wrong, as I did. Otherwise you will find yourself suffering weeks of grumpiness along the lines of ‘you prefer Rose’s coronation chicken recipe to mine’.

How wrong I was, on both counts. Firstly the evening was a delight, and secondly all the coronation chicken was delicious.

The party kicked off with a free Bellini. Can’t argue with that as a starter to any evening. It got better when the waitresses, two of whom bore an uncanny resemblance to Lucy Cox and Robyn Nalson, took pity on us and let us have seconds and then thirds. So all in all we got off to a good start.

David Ireland then said what must have been one of the shortest graces on record, so that we were able to tuck into the (delicious) victuals bang on time. The menu was a masterpiece of Franglais, including Mickle Ham, Pommes de Terre Juniper, Fromage Bleu Norbury, and some a bit risqué - Salade Deux Vents (think beans and Blazing Saddles)… plus of course the Coq Royaume Cinquante Trois which had had me in the doghouse for a month. Followed by pavlova. By that stage I was a bit too far gone on Bellinis and red wine to understand exactly what was being said, but I do recall the vicar standing up and talking about having five brick-like pavlovas in his fridge, and wondering why. Perhaps he had failed the pavlova test like I failed the coronation chicken one, or perhaps he’d just got stuck into the Bellinis too. Anyway the pavlova on our table was yummy, stuffed not just with fresh raspberries but with fresh strawberries and redcurrants as well, and bore no resemblance to a brick.

There followed the band and the singers. Many of us already knew Ian (Polly) Parkin, Gina and Joanna Batt to be class acts, and were not disappointed. But was that really Martin Cox, whom we all know as a rock singer and thespian of note, displaying a new line as a crooner? And Alan Gout and the Berkeley Square Society Band were outstanding. So instead of four poofs and a piano we got one poof, two divas, a crooner and an entire jazz band. It’s difficult to pick out highlights from an excellent set, but Boogie-Woogie Bugle Boy from Polly, Gina and Joanna certainly got the joint jumping; Polly’s Come Fly with Me would have grounded Sinatra; Gina’s Putting on the Ritz was elegance personified; Joanna’s These Foolish Things, in honour of her parents’ golden wedding, got us, and I suspect them, all emotional; and the duet between Martin and the sousaphone was simply great fun. There was some pretty enviable ballroom dancing on display, as well as some rather flashy stuff which we won’t go into, except to note that eminent QC Richard Siberry got so into the Charleston that he strained his calf muscle, at least that’s his story.

A great deal of money was raised, as of the most recent count approaching £8,000, all in aid of St Michael’s Church. The tickets were seriously good value for the food, drink, and entertainment provided, and while this was mainly a village affair, there were many outsiders who were obviously enjoying themselves while at the same time boosting our church funds. Vi Bullen donated a five-legged sheep to be auctioned, very professionally, by the vicar, and there were a number of equally generous raffle prizes. Mary Huggins got a bit over-excited when she thought she had won Ron Morton, but it was wishful thinking or deafness, actually wine from Ron Morton.

As ever in these village dos a lot of people contributed their own money, time and effort to making the evening a success. Thanks first and foremost to Jan and Jackie Murray for the use of Juniper Hill and the marquee; also to the organising committee John and Jane Batt, Rose Spence, Elizabeth Watson, Julia Siberry, Kate Cox, Annie Dennis and Jo Brown; John, Martin, Gina, Joanna, Polly, Alan and the band for the music; Stern Stan the car park man. Not forgetting cooks too numerous to mention, who certainly didn’t spoil the broth, nor indeed the coronation chicken. Will Dennis