Parish of Mickleham - Jane Ireland 1948-2006

Parish of Mickleham - Jane Ireland 1948-2006
if you have photos or memories to share to celebrate Jane's life please contact the website editor
page last updated 2 Nov 2006

from the November 2006 magazine
On 4th September 2006, we heard the devastating news that Jane had died peacefully following her long, courageous fight against cancer.

The whole community grieved with David and turned out in force to support him and the family at the Thanksgiving Service for Jane’s life on 27th September in St Michael’s Church.

It was a very moving occasion, made all the more poignant for us in the knowledge that Jane herself had carefully chosen the music and readings.

In a packed church, with many people standing both inside and outside where the service was relayed through loudspeakers, we heard David’s brother, Tim, pay a wonderful tribute to Jane.

His eulogy was reinforced with excerpts from some of the messages David and family had received from a huge number of people who had written to pay their respects and describe how Jane had touched their lives in a multitude of ways. Tim aptly summed up the Jane so many knew, “a gentle, self-effacing lady, generous in the extreme in giving of herself to others and with a warm sense of humour… a gentleness and a capacity for true empathy based on great strengths and determination”.

She displayed so much true humility and concern for the wellbeing of others and would have been anxious that we should not suffer from our sense of loss over her death; she would not have wanted us to grieve for her.

We must be thankful for the legacy she has left us through her inspiration, her capacity to touch so many lives and the friendship and love she shared with us.

Jane was born in Cheam, where she grew up. She originally trained as a primary school teacher, but soon realised that her particular gifts lay in the area of pastoral care of both the children and their families.

She became the first School Community Liaison Officer in Surrey working at Merland Rise School on the challenging Merland Rise Estate.

In recent months, she had been appointed a Family Support Worker at the Sure Start project at Merland Rise where she continued her work in assisting families to function more effectively, and in nurturing parenting skills with those who were struggling to bring up their children.

Jane and David moved to the Rectory in December 2004 and Jane’s attachment to Mickleham was instant; she belonged here and moving to the Rectory was in every sense ‘coming home’.

She slipped very naturally into her new role as parish priest’s wife and worked with David to organise events encouraging people to appreciate the value of taking an active role in making our community a good place in which to live and to benefit from one another’s talents and experiences.

She developed the children’s Sunday Club, introduced the children’s workshops in preparation for the major religious festivals and Operation Christmas Child (the shoeboxes of Christmas presents for under-privileged children abroad).

She was instrumental in opening the Rectory and its garden to a number of events such as the Open Air Service, Crusader barbecues, the Easter Egg Hunt and the Golden Oldies’ tea parties for the over 55s to enjoy meeting with and talking to old friends and new. She accomplished all this unobtrusively, always preferring to be out of the spotlight.

We will all remember Jane vividly at the marvellously successful Village Fête in July this year. It was her inspiration to hold the event in the Rectory garden (the last time was in 1934) and she was so determined to be there that she postponed major surgery to achieve her ambition. It drew 500 people together of all ages from all parts of the community, both in organising the numerous activities and participating in them.

It is very sad that, having waited for so long to live in the Rectory, Jane and David were only able to share a short time together there before her untimely death. Nevertheless, in this period and despite her illness, she and David created a lovely garden at the Rectory, which will provide a lasting memory of her and give great comfort to David and family. She was, and is, an example to us all – in life, for caring for others and in death for her extreme courage, dignity and bravery.

Throughout Jane’s long illness, David unfailingly showed great strength and resourcefulness in his determination to continue his pastoral role as normally as possible, alongside his tremendous support for Jane.

He is a true ‘shepherd’ and our respect for him has grown beyond measure. We offer to him, Emma, Dee, Chris, Philip, Jane’s father and all the family our deepest, heartfelt condolences at their tragic loss.
Liz Weller

St Michael's Church, Mickleham
Service of Thanksgiving for the life of Jane Ireland 1948-2006
Wednesday 27 September 2006

I know a bank whereon the wild thyme blows,
Where oxlips and the nodding violet grows
Quite over-canopied with luscious woodbine,
With sweet musk-roses, and with eglantine (…)
A Midsummer Night’s Dream

Over the last couple of years I have faced challenges and situations which I had never imagined facing, but the challenge of paying a tribute to Jane defies all others. I confess that the more I read the many, many tributes, letters, cards and messages which David, Emma, Dee, Chris and Philip received the more I realized my own inadequacy in attempting to pay a fitting tribute to Jane.

Jane meant so much, in so many different ways, to so many people. She touched so many lives. She lived an immensely full, rich and intensely generous life.

Yesterday whilst I was walking round the charming garden which Jane and David were building together (David told me that he was the brawn and Jane the brain in such matters) I came across a clematis plant in a pot with a small plaque which read “Faith makes things possible ….not easy”. Somehow it seemed to sum up in a nutshell the driving force behind Jane’s life. A strong and vibrant faith which found its concrete and true expression in the love and friendship which she bestowed on others whoever they were – family, friends, people of all ages, faiths and outlooks. She had a deep and genuine concern for others, for the natural world and the animal kingdom.

Jane was a loving mother and best friend to Emma and Dee and by extension to Chris and Philip, an inspirational wife to David, a devoted daughter to Monica and Keith, grandmother to Uriel, Ilena and to so many others by adoption, sister-in-law, friend, queen of the flap jack according to Frank, queen of the meat crumble according to Dee and Philip, queen of the apple crumble according to Mariama and Yara, queen of queens according to David.

In the Brazilian branch of the Ireland family Jane became Aunty Lady for some reason best known to our daughters right from the beginning and Aunty Lady she remained. Certainly it was an entirely appropriate name, Jane was Aunty Lady – gentle, self-effacing, generous in the extreme in giving of herself to others and with a warm sense of humour. A gentleness and a capacity for true empathy which was based on great strengths and determination. True gentleness and generosity of spirit are always based on great strengths and never on weakness. She never wanted to be in the spot-light nor the leader in the conventional sense. But in the true sense she was a leader, as she led by example. She was an inspiration to others and that is part of the legacy she has left us.

Despite the sadness which we all feel in our different ways - in Portuguese we use the word ‘saudade’ which expresses a mixture of sadness, loss and longing - sadness at our loss, today we are here to celebrate and remember Jane’s life rather than to mourn its passing. I am quite certain that Jane would be both genuinely amazed at the presence of so many people here in church as well as concerned about our sense of loss. She would not want us to grieve for her. Statisticians use life expectancy as an important indicator but although important we all know that the quality of a person’s contribution to society and the community is not necessarily measured by the number of years but in the quality of that contribution, in the way those years are lived. We would all have wished to have Jane with us for another 30 or 40 years but must be comforted by the fact that in her 58 years she packed in more that most people do in a much longer life-time.

In death, we always regret bitterly the things we wished we had never said and remember with sadness the things we wanted to say but never did. Rather than attempting to translate what other people said, wrote, felt and expressed about Jane, I prefer to use their words:

Jane has given so much of herself to our village and even pushed herself when her illness must have been impossibly hard. Her fighting spirit has kept her going beyond the normal when most people would have given up. She is dearly loved by all and the world will be a poorer place without her.

Her consideration, concern and thoughtfulness to others knew no bounds despite her ill health.

She was so kind, so open and honest, such a real, loving and wonderful person that just being in her presence was always a pleasure and a privilege. Her willingness to give of herself was quite amazing, returning all the time a humility and simplicity that was so natural that it seemed almost like innocence.

Nothing was too much trouble for her when it came to supporting and helping others.

It is obvious that Jane’s inspiration and impact in school has been great and will be long lasting. She would always make time to listen to worries and try to find a solution. Nothing was too much trouble. Jane gave endless opportunities to children having problems at home or school. Quiet times sharing a concern, playing a game or just being busy in school…. The new family garden designed by Jane has motivated the parents to work together as a team. We will be working on the garden to make sure Jane’s vision is created and cared for. There will be a special place with seating for quiet reflection.

Her love for the children was so obviously reciprocated and she disciplined them through encouragement, praise or just suggesting an alternative course of action – never chastisement. She was also immensely tolerant of the idiosyncrasies of some of the very young and inexperienced parents…. Not many of us can say that we have influenced so many fragile lives to follow a productive, useful and loving pathway, in spite of having a difficult start in life and temptations to get into bad company….

Jane was instrumental in making Merland Rise a true community school. She had the knack of getting alongside vulnerable and often distrusting children and adults and helping them when they need it most. There are so many who have cause to be grateful to her.

Jane was a very special person – loving and caring and so generous with her friendship and support. She was totally unselfish, always thinking of others ahead of herself, actively seeking out those in need and having a real and positive impact on their lives.

I met her only four times but every single meeting stands out in my mind because the warmth and love and unfussy Christian human caring she instinctively transmitted, illuminated the moment and the day…. I was moved beyond words to receive a card from her last week, wishing me well with my operation….. She will be so greatly missed. But I can’t say ‘loss’ because what she gave won’t be lost, in my mind at least, but will continue as an inspiration and true example.

She was and is an example to all of us both in her life and in her death. In life for her caring for others and in her death for the extreme courage, dignity and bravery with which she faced and finally lost her battle with cancer.

She was a true woman for all seasons. A truly caring professional: hardworking, creative, energetic and much loved – her many roles as School Secretary, pastoral worker, community liaison person, family support worker and fundraiser. More importantly a caring friend and advocate to worried parents, anxious colleagues, distressed or gleeful children, a constant smiling face to all who visited the school. A very feminine woman who even in the worse moments of her suffering would be up and dressed, conscious of colour coordinates and trendy. She loved cooking, art, crafts, walking but not flying. She loved the water, the sea, boats.

Her attachment to Mickleham was instant: she was such a refreshing ray of light and yet apparently unsure of herself and how she would manage the role of the Rector’s wife. I have never met anyone who displayed so much true humility and concern for others. Jane worried what the new life would be like and yet it fitted her like a glove. We all watched someone who when you moved to the Rectory was in every sense coming home. She belonged and always will belong to this place.

She was so determined to hold and organize the village fete in the Rectory garden that she postponed major surgery so that she could be there.

We must be thankful for her inspiration, for her capacity to touch so many lives, for the friendship and love she shared and which was returned by so many.

“What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the Master calls a butterfly”.

I am sure that Jane will continue to grace the Rectory garden and to keep an eye on David, Emma, Dee, Keith, Chris and Philip, and all of us who visit them.

You can shed a tear because she has gone
Or you can smile because she has lived;

You can close your eyes and pray that she will come back,
Or you can open your eyes and see all that she has left.

Your heart can be empty because you cannot see her
Or you can be full of the love you shared.

You can turn back on tomorrow and live yesterday
Or you can be happy because of yesterday:

You can remember only that she has gone
Or you can cherish her memory and let it live on;

You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back
Or you can do what she would want:
Smile, Open your eyes, Love and go on.
David Harkins

READING
Romans 8 v31-end
Rev Steve Nolan, Chaplain, Princess Alice Hospice, Esher

That question is one that haunts any of us, as we try to fathom in our minds this mystery of death, when it comes near to us in the life of someone we have known and loved. St Paul in writing this longest of his letters to the small, struggling Christian community at Rome has much to say about our human relationship with God seen especially through the lens of the life, death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. “These things” he mentions hark back to words earlier in the chapter, where he refers to the “Sufferings of this present time” when “the Spirit helps us in our weakness”. He remembers all he has been through and offers encouragement to his readers and hearers to remember that suffering as they are under oppression, discrimination and persecution brings them in their weakness very close to Christ and the love of God. It is when your defences, all the normal things you rely on, are down, that you are most exposed to God.

For Jane this was no rhetorical question. She chose this particular Reading from Paul’s writings because I believe she felt it rang true for her. As she passed through those long days of treatment and times when for over three years she must have found it so difficult just to go on, then it was that God was so close to her and she to God. Trust. Learning to let go and float is what faith is about. The words of the prophet Isaiah (ch 43: 2) have God addressing his people in these terms: “Do not fear, for I have redeemed you: I have called you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you”. That is God’s promise. I believe they represent something that Jane was able to get so close to, as she faced up to what lay ahead. I believe they can be a source of comfort and hope to us too as we have to face up to the pain of losing her from among us.

No one can doubt the impact that Jane made in her life upon a wide circle of people. How she will be missed at Merland Rise School in her work as Community Liaison Officer and Family Support Worker! She truly had a real gift for being able to get alongside families who face challenges and difficulties. How she loved working with children! Many will grow up with fond memories of the special festival workshops she used to organise. What a gentle yet remarkable impact she has made upon this village and church and its life! For in her self-effacing way she was a great organiser and encourager. David and all the members of the family will undoubtedly feel the keenness of the loss of partner, daughter, mother, grandmother and friend, and we offer them our prayerful and loving support. “What then are we to say about these things?” Well, we can say Thank You. Thank you, Jane, for being the person you were and thank you, God, for gracing the world with her presence and working in her life in such a way that we all caught a glimpse of what it means to be a human being fully alive. Our own lives have been touched and enriched - we are the better for having come to know her.

There is always an understandable temptation at a funeral to speak of the deceased person and their life, virtues and accomplishments in the past tense. Christian faith and hope is very much about the present tense, not in some sort of vacuous living for the moment, but in the awareness that we believe in a God of life, who was, who is, who is to come. Time is a dimension of our human existence; eternity is a quality that makes God ever present. We enjoy glimpses of that eternal life when we encounter those indefinable, inexpressible moments and experiences that are caught in the life of those we have known and loved. As we thank God now for Jane’s life and all those special gifts and moments we experienced through her and with her, we also ask that we may be strengthened, encouraged and made to know that we walk closely with God, who understands our pain and our need.

… No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor rulers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.

The pupils of the Royal Ballet School, White Lodge, and members of the church choir and Mickleham Choral Society were thanked for their contribution; and John Batt for playing the organ.

Mickleham Rectory
November 2006

David Ireland writes…
For once I am lost for words, other than to thank you all from the bottom of my heart for the love, and support you have shown to the family over these past six weeks since Jane’s untimely death.

I can honestly say that I do not know how we would have survived without your concern which has found expression in so many ways…..and continues to do so.

We have received over 500 cards and letters for which we thank you most sincerely, and over £4,000 has been given in support of Jane’s chosen charities.

Please forgive us for not acknowledging them all personally. It does not in any way reflect a lack of appreciation, simply a shortage of hours in the day. Jane leaves a vast void in our lives, but the tributes paid to her including those in this edition of the magazine, help ease the pain and remind us of how fortunate we were to have her as our leading light for as long as we did.

You have proved to be the most supportive of communities and we thank God for our good fortune in living here.

September 2006 magazine
Thank you Once more I find myself on the receiving end of a huge amount of support in the form of thoughts, prayers, cards and gifts. I am so grateful to you all for your continuing care, which has given the family and me so much encouragement. I really will try not to be ill again. Jane Ireland

from the October 2004 magazine
Jane Ireland writes… I dreamed I was walking along a beach with God, and in the sky there were scenes from my life. For each scene, I saw both God’s footprints and my own in the sand.
Looking back I noticed that, at the lowest times in my life, there was only one set of footprints. This worried me, and so I spoke to God about it.
‘God, you promised that you would walk with me all the way through my life, yet you left me when I needed you most.’
God replied ‘My dear, precious child, I love you and would never leave you. Where you see only one set of footprints, that is when I carried you’. (Anon.)

While visiting my mother in hospital recently, I picked up a leaflet from her bedside left by the Chaplaincy Team. I was encouraged to read and to be reminded of these words known as ‘Footprints’.

As many of you know, I have been unwell for nearly a year and in April, was diagnosed with cancer. Chemo was started and it appears that I have responded well to the treatment. By the time you read this, I will have had the final treatment and hopefully the scans which follow will be good and our life will gradually return to normal – David wonders whether our life is ever normal!

I am really writing to thank everyone who has supported us through this difficult time. For all the practical help we have been given and especially for your prayers which I am convinced have strengthened us all. I have been really surprised how strong and positive I have remained throughout, and as the words of Footsteps have reminded me so often, I have at times literally felt that I have been carried through. Thank you.